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I've not written in a while cos i've not been arsed to.

Since my last blog me and Ewok held a session at MORF called pressures and conformity which i think went well (i hope it did anyway). It was a big deal for me cos i really hate being the centre of attention and i stutter a lot when i talk. Anyway what i have noticed is that i don't feel 'trans' any more, i'm not completely at the end of my transition cos i obviously still need the surgeries i want but as for every day living i don't feel as anxious. A lot of it has to do with me passing more now i'm living in Manchester, i felt like i was on the edge when living in Burnley cos i was worried i'd see people who didn't know i was transitioning. I still get really anxious in 'straight' pubs and bars if i'm with female friends cos if i need to you the toilet then if there isn't a disabled toilet the i'd have to use the female ones which i think even when i have more facial hair it'll still bother me.

Anyway i've remembered what i was actually gonna blog about. I went home on monday to look after Ruby, i saw a few people i knew but i avoided them. I felt bad for doing so but i couldn't be arsed hearing my old name and i couldn't be arsed saying 'oh by the way my name is jake now', it would be a lot easier if i did just tell them but i hardly see them, i can't be arsed being the talk of the neighbourhood and i really fucking despise 'coming out' it's no one's business (part from family and friends) what i do with my body. I refuse to be the 'token tranny'.