ACK

I couldn't think of an appropriate title.

Yesterday for the first time since I started binding I was in agony. My back and ribs were killing me, I couldn't walk properly cos of it hurting me. I was feeling sorry for myself all day, I couldn't believe it hurt so much. So today I decided that I'm not doing anything, I don't care if it comes across as being anti-social cos I'm getting sick of having to bind and how long it takes me to do it. I'm also getting sick of having to fucking justify why I NEED chest surgery.

This week/early next week I'll have to contact Leeds and see what is happening with the request for funding, I'm not holding my breath. I need to know so i can enquire about a GP over here so I'll hopefully get funding from them, also I have my T injection at the beginning of October and i really don't want to mess that up.

Something else that's been bothering me recently is my visibility in public, I'm really glad I pass and I'm becoming more visible as a man. You see that's my problem, I'm now more often or not a visible man which means being treated as a biological man which means being ignored A LOT. Now I don't like attention really but it really fucks me off when I get pushed and shoved out the way without so much as a sorry. I hate to say it but its usually women who do it. Another thing I don't like is women not feeling like they can smile at me anymore cos now I'm seen as a man that means if i smile at them it automatically means I'm a creep or I'm going to follow them home which of course I'm not. One other thing I've noticed is walking the street as night is that I'll get the 'alright mate' greeting from other guys but then in some aspects i feel vulnerable in case I ever got caught up in a fight or someone  just fancied starting on me, I'm probably being paranoid but you know this is stuff i genuinely think about.

Oh and i saw HIM at pride (the bloke i do stuff with,not the goth band).I like our deal so far, I ring him and i see him but he is becoming far too keen for my liking. That probably makes me sound like a bitch but whatever we both said it was 'stuff' and nothing more but he is being too clingy.

I've lost my train of thought so i'll leave it here.

Goodbike x