nostalgic/does it get better?

Ok so this week i've had a week of things that i've reminded me of being a teenager.

First it's the storyline in Hollyoaks. The girl who is playing the trans guy, anita is the only one who knows and is supporting her. I remember being in high school and everyone finding out i was a lesbian, i had this horrible feeling that everything was slipping away and i felt sick. All my friends fell out with me,well all except one. I spent breaks and lunch on my own or in the library, the only friend who didn't fall out with me was Emma. We've had our ups and downs in the past but she's always been there for me. When a certain girl in my year was calling me a dirty dyke,emma would turn it round and make a joke out of it. Also i remember going to the fashion show in Birmingham and i had just had my hair cut really short,i looked really butch and the girl who called me a dirty dyke made some comment to me so Emma kissed me and held my hand,not a lezzy way just a friendly kind of way.

I remember when no one spoke to me and i remember going home feeliing like shit. One night it got too much and i tried to kill myself, i was getting bullied in and out of school. Someone got a hold of my mobile number and they kept ringing me shouting abuse at me. None of these people will ever really know how their words affected me, they probably thought it was a bit of fun.

Last night i went to see Linkin Park, i sat there singing along to all the songs and i started thinking of when i first hear them,it was when i wasn't sure about my sexuality and i was just a general moody teenager. I remember having that feeling of listening to them and feeling like they knew exactly how i felt,alone and that no one understood me. Every album i have of theres means something to me.

Also with the 'it gets better' campaign that's an ongoing thing recently it made me think that what if i had succeeded in that night i felt i couldn't handle it anymore? In my opinion it doens't get better but it certainly gets easier.If i go out in Burnley with my female friends and i have to use the female toilets, i get girls staring at me and if guys see me coming out of the toilet i either get called gay boy or a lesbian so it's not better cos i'm still getting shit thrown at me and i think i will always wil til i can pass properly as a bio guy. I've found a community that i fit in with so it's easy to be me.