Ok this is something i've been thinking about the over the past week or so.
When i was younger and i'm talking 17-ish, i started going out at night in Burnley i went out with loads of girls cos they were my only friends, i guess i was seen as one of the girls (correct me if i'm wrong) even though i looked and acted like a guy. I never felt one of the girls (for obvious reasons) but something hit me the other day that i'm NEVER going to be invited on girls nights out again. Yes i should be glad i'm not considered one of the girls anymore and i am but it still upset me cos they were a massive part of my life and realising i was trans.
Another thing i've realised is that i've lost touch with a few people,some i care about and hold no grudge over then there's some who i give up with and realise maybe the only reason i was friends with them was cos they were a lesbian and thats who i thought i was. I'm totally fine with it.
I really struggle making friends but when i do i know that they'll be friends for a long (yes you there) . I don't need to prove myself to anyone,i'm a nice person who cares for others and i'll be there when shit turns bad,if someone doesn't like it then they can fuck off.
I totally get you there to a degree mate ... I never had ANY friends as a kid, possibly partly cos I couldn't muster any interest in ... whatever it is girls do when they're together ( *wink* LOL) and, obviously, up til a certain age, girls think boys are diseased and boys think girls are diseased so there isn't much mixing going on (well, that was how it was when I was a sprog) ... but ... when I came out as trans I lost one of my best friends and it hit me really hard ... MAINLY cos, rightly or wrongly I thought "how fuckin DARE you" .. the lad in question, his mum was a waste of space, me n my poofter flatmate practically raised him from the age of 13, fed him, clothed him, so on and so forth and then, after I pulled him up for the umpteenth time for calling me Liz after I'd been LEGALLY Lee for 6 months and unofficially Lee for about 2 yrs previous and he'd CLICKED on "Lee" on his msn to talk to me (FFS) he said "you'll always be Liz to me, if you don't like it, tough shit" and I've never heard from him since!
ReplyDeleteI lost of friends over the years before that cos I kinda withdrew while I was tryin to give mi head a wobble but nothing hurt like THAT did!
Much as, yeah, you're glad you aint "one of the girls" anymore, it IS part of your past / part of your makeup that you've lost .... think I had a point there somewhere ...